Scenes that should have been included in Eva
by Landgren
Summary: Aaaaand...one more scene! Again! Yay!
1. Intro

As usual, all crap (C) Gainax.  
  
Howdy, boys and girls. Here's the new and improved Scenes. Improved meaning that I have put each scene in a chapter of its own. For the readers convenience, or my convenience, or something. Rather convenient, anyway.   
  
As usual, this thing contains spoilers, sexual themes and harsh language. But that's what we're here for, right? So, without further ado, here's...   
  
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Scenes that should have been included in Neon Genesis Evangelion  
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	2. Scene 1

*********  
Scene 1  
*********  
  
Misato and Ritsuko are sitting in the NERV cafeteria, enjoying a brake from the day's tedious tests. Ritsuko is flipping through the newspaper, paying no attention to the half-eaten sandwich lying on a plate in front of her. Her purple-haired friend is quietly drinking a cup of coffee from a standard-issue NERV-mug, watching the view of the Geo-front beyond the cafeteria window.   
  
After a few minutes of peaceful silence, Misato finally asks:   
"Do you know where Shinji is? I haven't seen him since the synch test."   
  
"He went to speak with the commander." Ritsuko replies, without taking her eyes from the paper. "He said that they had to talk about their relationship. You know, father-son stuff."   
  
"Really?" Misato stares absentmindedly through the window. "That's nice."   
  
In the distance, a familiar purple shape can be seen, holding Ikari Gendo firmly in it's right hand, shaking him violently and shouting "You do not let emotionally disturbed 14-year-olds pilot giant robots!!" over and over again.   
  



	3. Scene 2

*********  
Scene 2  
*********  
  
The 14th angel has just smashed its way into NERV headquarters. Rubble is flying everywhere. Technicians and guards alike are covering behind consoles and command panels. Only Gendo remains standing.   
  
The angel stares at Gendo.   
  
Gendo stares at the angel.   
  
Light flashes on his glasses.   
  
"You are a disappointment." he says, his voice filled with the contempt he usually reserves for his son.   
  
The angel stares at Gendo another moment, then breaks down and starts crying like a little girl.   
  



	4. Scene 3

*********  
Scene 3  
*********  
  
Shinji steps out of the locker room, dressed in his plug suit.   
Today is going to be a horrible day. Today they will make him pilot that monster again.   
Today he is...   
  
...he is actually staring at a bare naked Ayanami Rei, who stands a few feet away watching him with a puzzled look.   
  
"A...Ayanami..?" he stutters, trying desperately to hold back a sudden nosebleed.   
  
Then she smiles at him, beeps his nose, and skips away giggling.   
  
Shinji stands, his mouth wide open, staring after the girl as she bounds down the corridor. After a while, his father and sub-commander Fuyutsuki comes running by, each carrying a big landing net. Gendo notices the look on Shinji's face, and stops.   
  
"Where did she go?" he shouts at his son. Shinji waves a hand in the general direction. Gendo sighs. "Great. They're all over the place now, because someone (he gives Fuyutsuki the Glare of Death) left the tank open after we fed them last night."   
With that, the two commanders hurry away again.   
  
Shinji is left standing where he is.   
All over the place, he thinks. They are all over the place. Naked Reis. He smiles.   
Today is going to be a great day.   
  



	5. Scene 4

*********  
Scene 4  
*********  
  
_Right before the lava-diving mission._  
  
Ritsuko is standing in front of commander Ikari's desk, telling him the technical specifications for the mission.   
  
"...and we are currently refitting unit 02 with high-pressure equipment. Unfortunately this leaves no room for the progressive knife. We are going to have to improvise a little in order to get it fitted to the suit." She looks down at the papers in her hand. "That's all."   
  
"Good." Gendo nods. "This is acceptable. Inform me if you run into any trouble."   
  
"Yes, sir!"   
  
"Oh, and Dr. Akagi, there has been a special plug suit developed for this kind of missions. You can retrieve one for the Second Child down at R&D."   
  
"Yes, sir."   
  
"Good. That will be all, doctor."   
  
Ritsuko bows, and leaves the office.   
  
When she is well out of hearing range, the sub-commander speaks.   
"If I remember correctly, it was you who ordered the designing of the insulating plug suit."   
  
Gendo gives an amused snort.   
  
"A good thing that you were provident enough to foretell a situation like this."   
  
"Mhmmph...!" is Gendo's somewhat forced answer.   
  
"Otherwise..." Fuyutsuki is suddenly overcome by a coughing fit, but manages to regain his posture, "...otherwise one might think that you did it just to make fun out of the poor child."   
  
There is silence for a split second. Then both men break down laughing.   
  



	6. Scene 5

*********  
Scene 5  
*********  
  
Asuka and Rei are relaxing in the NERV bath. Rei is sitting with her hands in her lap, staring straight ahead into the screen in front which changes between scenes of modern art and the NERV logo. Asuka on the other hand is leaning back, her elbows resting on the edge of the pool. She is obviously enjoying the hot water.   
  
"You know," she suddenly says, "I can't believe that they made us do those synch tests _naked._"  
  
Rei gives her the standard Ayanami-look. "It clearly did happen. You experienced it yourself not even an hour ago. I don't see why you would not believe it."   
  
"No, baka, I meant... Aah, I was just trying to make conversations, never mind!" Asuka tilts her head back and gives a tired sigh. "Why do I even bother..?"   
  
A few moments pass in silence. Then Asuka speaks again.   
  
"Hey, wondergirl?" Rei looks away from the screen, just to see Asuka watching her with a strange smile.   
  
"I'm bored..."   
  
...and the lemon-writers have a field day.   
  



	7. Scene 6

*********  
Scene 6  
*********  
  
Instrumentality.   
Shinji is sitting in a chair, surrounded by figments of his imagination. Asuka, Misato, Rei, and those three bridge bunnies whose names he could never remember, are all standing in a circle around him, telling him things about his life which he'd rather not know.   
  
All he can do is sit there, giving weak objections, feeling utterly worthless. As the horror goes on, he stops paying attention to what is actually said, and starts mumbling "It isn't true, it isn't true...", more to himself than to the things around him.   
  
He sits like this, desperately trying to block out the all-to-real illusions.   
  
Then, suddenly, he becomes silent. Sensing that a decision is about to be made, a decision that will change the world, the other voices stop. Waits.   
  
Shinji slowly looks up, watching his imaginary friends. And speaks...   
  
"Screw you guys, I'm going home!"   
With that, he makes a rude gesture and walks out of the room.   
  
The persons/illusions in the room look at each other with confusion. Then one of them shrugs.   
"Buggerit, then." The others nod. "What'd y'all say, we go down to the nearest pub and get sloshed. I mean, it's the end of the world and all..." Approving murmurs.   
"Yea."   
"Best idea yet."   
"All this instrumentality crap has gotten me thirsty."   
"Yea, buggerit all, I say."   
"Right, like, if God wants a damn apocalypse he can come down here and fix one himself."   
"Right. The lazy bastard..."   
"You said it, girl..."   
Their voices disappear out of hearing as they leave the room.   
  
In heaven, God(Anno) is wondering what the hell just happened.   
  



	8. Scene 7

*********  
Scene 7  
*********  
  
"...and when she...hehe...when she pressed the other button, and the suit started to swell...hehehe..." Fuyutsuki is giggling like a little girl.   
  
Gendo is leaning face down across his desk, his head between his arms and his back shaking with silent laughter.   
  
"...hehe...God, I would kill to see that look on Souryu's face again..." the sub-commander wipes a tear away.   
  
Gendo slowly sits back up, placing his hands underneath his nose in his trademark position.   
"You won't have to." he says grinning.   
  
Fuyutsuki gives him a curious look.   
  
"I had it all taped by the security cameras." The commander pushes a few buttons on his desk, and the big screen at the end of the room suddenly comes to life, giving an up-close of Asuka's shocked expression as her plug suit swells to monstrous proportions.   
  
A security guard walking past the commander's office hears howls of laughter emerging from beyond the door.   
They're really at it today, he thinks. Probably planning the end of the world again.   
  



	9. Scene 8

*********  
Scene 8  
*********  
  
_or The Unknown Angel_  
  
Gendo Ikari is sitting in his huge office, eyeing NERV's budget for 2014, as a sudden sparkle of light catches his attention. That, and someone playing the trumpet rather badly.   
  
As he looks up from the his papers, he can see a figure hovering about two feet above the floor. It is dressed in a blue nightgown, has wings, and a huge halo of light playing around it.   
  
Damn critters. Gendo pushes a button underneath his desk. Deep down in the Geo-front, something stirs.   
  
"Behold, mortal, the messenger of the Lord!" the creature cries out, in a shrill voice. "Behold the carrier of the divine will! The celestial..!"   
  
"Blablabla. Yea, I know the drill." Gendo grins at the angel. "What do you want?"   
  
Somewhat taken aback, but intent on following through, the angel goes on. "I bring a message from the Lord of Heaven and Earth, to you, oh lowly mortal!"   
  
Smiling, Gendo motions for the angel to go on.   
  
"Know that the Lord can see into your heart, and that he knows of your most secret plans!"   
  
"I'm sure he does." Gendo glances at his watch. It shouldn't be long, now...   
  
"And know! Mortal! That the Lord knows of your desire to end the world. And know, that your attempts to go against the heavenly plans of our most holy..."   
  
A single, huge eye stares in through the panorama windows.   
  
"...most holy...er..? Gack!"   
  
A hand the size of a minibus yanks the angel out of the office. Some startled yelps can be heard, and a few feathers drift in through the hole left by unit 00's arm.   
  
Lowly mortal, my ass, Gendo thinks. God is definitely going to have to shape up if he wants to play ball with the big boys.   
  



	10. Scene 9

*********  
Scene 9  
*********  
  
In a darkened room, Lorenz Keel sits surrounded by the holographic images of great, black monoliths, his fellow conspirators. On a giant screen in front of the assembled men several series of numbers are being displayed.   
  
"This is it, gentlemen." Keel says. "We finally have the funding to start producing the Eva series. All ten of them, as required for the ceremony."   
  
"This is an immense sum of money." SELEE 04 speaks. "Are we absolutely sure it cannot be traced?"   
  
"Quite." Keel indicates some figures on the screen. "We have been extremely careful, virtually every euro collected from a different source."   
  
"Exactly how much money are we talking about?" SELEE 11 asks.   
  
"All in all, roughly 122 billion euro." Keel indicates another series of figures.   
  
"Indeed an immense sum of money." SELEE 06 says, an obvious hint of awe in his voice.   
  
"Indeed..."   
  
There is silence for a moment, then SELEE 05 clears his throat.   
"And that'd make about twelve billion per unit?"   
  
Keel nods.   
"Yes."   
  
Another moment of silence. Then:   
"Er...and exactly how many units are required for the red earth ceremony?"   
  
"Ten, of course! Why do you ask?"   
  
"Weeell..." SELEE 05 starts, sounding slightly embarrassed, "...it's just that...you know, twelve billion euro...you could throw one hell of a party for that..."   
  
There is a stunned silence. Had they been physically present, the members of SELEE would have been looking nervously at each other.   
  
"Um...well, he's got a point..."   
"Yeah, end of civilisation as we know it...a shame not to celebrate, actually..."   
"Nothing but proper behaviour, right?"   
"Gotta have a proper celebration in cases like this, really."   
"Helluva lot of booze..."   
"...and strippers."   
"Yeah, and strippers."   
"And Katsuragi-clones as waitresses!"   
"You know, for twelve billion we could actually do that."   
"...and those little foods on sticks."   
"Yeah, and those."   
  
Keel sits, biting his lower lip and looking quite indecessive.   
"Well...I guess...no-one...would notice...if there were just nine of them?"   
  
"Wouldn't notice for a second."   
"Hell no!"   
"On a side note, I happen to already have a calculation of how much those Katsuragi-clones would cost us..."   
"You do? How come?"   
"Er...gotta be prepared for anything, right? Just in case, you know..."   
"...and _helluva_ lot of booze."   
  



	11. Scene 10

*********  
Scene 10  
*********  
  
_Exactly 38 seconds after scene 5._  
  
Fuyutsuki walks in through the doors of the commanders office, a worried look on his face and a piece of paper in his hands. Gendo, sitting behind his desk, looks up.   
  
"What is it?" he asks.   
  
"It would seem that someone has compromised our security system." Fuyutsuki holds the paper up for Gendo to see. "Look, the surveillance cameras in these areas are all connected to this recording station at level 12. And now I've found the entire station to be rigged to a small transceiver on the outside! Someone outside the NERV complex is receiving our surveillance data!"   
  
Gendo watches his second-in-command for a moment.   
"My friend," he says, "there is something I must tell you." He switches on a small laptop on his desk, and starts typing on it. "Both you and I know how much resources this project uses up. And there is only one force on this planet capable of producing those kinds of funds."   
Gendo turns the laptop around, allowing the older man to see the screen. Fuyutsuki's eyes grow wide with amazement.   
  
"Porn." he says.   
  
"Exactly."   
  
On the screen is a web page, showing Lorenz Keel dressed in a rather imaginative way, next to the words "Uncle Lorenz's Lolita Lounge" in pink. Below this is a small square entitled "Live Video Show" where two familiar shapes can be seen engaged in...physical activities.   
  
"Is that really legal?" Fuyutsuki asks after a moment of stunned silence.   
  
"Well, we can't be held responsible for what our pilots happen to do in front of our security cameras, so..."  
  
"I was referring to Keel's outfit."   
  
"Oh, that." There is a pause. "No, I don't think it is."   
  



	12. Scene 11

*********  
Scene 11  
*********  
  
Gendo and Rei are sitting at a small, knee-high table. They face each other, sitting cross-legged on the floor. Their faces are, as usual, completely blank.   
  
"Are you ready, Rei?" Gendo asks.   
  
"Yes, commander."   
  
Between them are two small glasses and a bottle, filled with a clear liquid and marked with Cyrillic letters. Gendo takes the bottle and fills the glasses. Then, in one swift motion, they both swallow the contents.   
  
After putting her glass down, Rei takes the bottle and pours up another round. It disappears as quickly as the first one.   
  
This continues for a while, Rei and Gendo taking turns in refilling the glasses, both keeping their impervious facial expression.   
  
Gendo pours up the nineteenth round. Rei reaches for her glass, but misses with about half a foot. The momentum brings her out of balance, and she falls over and disappears behind the table, one hand still sticking up. Incoherent mumbling can be heard, but is soon replaced by a drunken giggle.   
  
Gendo, seemingly ignorant of Rei's condition, finishes his glass. Then he smirks, and slowly collapses backwards.   
  
Misato and Ritsuko are watching the spectacle through a surveillance camera.   
"And they do things like this four times a year?" Misato asks.   
  
"Yepp."   
  
"Why?"   
  
"To see which one can keep up the 'I'm a stone cold bitch'-attitude the longest. Last time they were sticking needles under their toenails."   
  
"Oh."   
  



	13. Scene 12

*********  
Scene 12  
*********  
  
Shinji is standing inside sub-commander Fuyutsuki's office. He has recently been returned by section 2 after running away, and is looking very downcast. He has just had to explain himself to his father.  
  
Fuyutsuki is watching him with a sad smile. At length, he asks:  
"Did the commander give you a hard time?"  
  
Shinji shakes his head.  
  
Fuyutsuki sighs.  
"I'm pretty sure he did. But he has reason to. After all, you seriously neglected your duties by running away like this. You understand that, don't you?"  
  
Shinji nods.  
  
The sub-commander sighs again, rises from his seat and walks around the desk to were Shinji is standing.  
  
"Shinji." Fuyutsuki says, putting his hands on the boy's shoulders. "Listen to me..."  
  
---  
  
Half an hour later. Fuyutsuki is sitting on a bench outside NERV HQ, sharing a cigarette with Ritsuko who sits next to him. She is glancing sideways at him, looking rather impressed.  
  
"So then you shouted '_Get a goddamn grip, you whining bitch!_' and shook him like a rag doll?"  
  
Fuyutsuki nods.  
"That about sums it up."  
  
There is a thoughtful pause.  
  
"Cool."  
  
"It's something I've wanted to do for some time now."  
  
"Me too."  
  



	14. Scene 13

*********  
Scene 13  
*********  
  
Misato enters the command bridge, looking around. Obviously not finding what she is searching for, she walks up to Fuyutsuki, who is discussing something technical with Maya.  
  
"Excuse me, sir?" she asks. "Have you seen the commander?"  
  
"M-hm..." the sub-commander answers absentmindedly, staring at a computer screen. "He's busy at the moment."  
  
"Doing what?"  
  
Still not paying real attention, Fuyutsuki says:  
"Playing around with Rei again, I think."  
  
Misato mouth falls open, as a series of uncomfortable images assault her mind.  
"What!?" she finally cries. "She's fourteen years old, for Christ's sake!"  
  
Fuyutsuki stares at her in shock.  
"To old for that kind of thing, you mean?" he stutters.  
  
---  
  
Several stories below them, in the bowels of NERV HQ, Gendo Ikari is slowly sneaking through darkened corridors. Suddenly, he senses something, and stands still, listening. Then he leaps around a corner, and shouts:  
"Ha!"  
  
The only thing to greet him are the rows upon rows of Rei-clones floating lazily in their tank. Gendo looks disappointed.  
  
"You know," he says, quite loudly, "this isn't really fair."  
  
Hidden behind the tank, Rei giggles to herself.  
Hide-and-Seek is her favourite game.  
  



	15. Scene 14

*********  
Scene 14  
*********  
  
Shinji is lying wide awake on his futon. He and Asuka have been up all day, synch-training for the battle with the double angel.  
  
As he hears Asuka rise from her place in the next room, he closes his eyes and feigns sleep. The girl goes to the bathroom, and then back. Suddenly Shinji feels something plopping down beside him on the futon. Opening his eyes, he sees Asuka lying right next to him, barely an inch away.  
  
He stares, unable to believe what he sees. Enchanted by the beauty, he starts leaning towards her lips.  
  
Then, Asuka's lips part slightly, and she leans in to meet him.  
"Mama." she whispers.  
  
---  
  
In the morning, Misato walks in on her two charges. She immediately notices that something isn't right. She looks from one pilot to the other, then asks:  
"What's been happening here?"  
  
The two children look embarrassed, Asuka most of all.  
  
"It was an accident!" she blurts. "I got up last night to go to the bathroom, and then I mistook Shinji's futon for my own and then..." She bites her lower lip.  
  
"Go on."  
  
"I had a dream about mama. I dreamt I was..." Asuka pauses again, her cheeks bright red.  
  
"Was what?"  
  
"Breastfeeding." Shinji mutters, his voice muffled because of his bandaged nose.  
  
  
  
  



	16. Scene 15

*********  
Scene 15  
*********  
  
_or  
That neat EoE trick_  
  
Shinji has stumbled while delivering an access card to Rei. He is now lying on top of the quite naked girl, her undergarments spread around the pair, as Shinji managed to pull the drawer with him as he fell.  
  
A few tense seconds pass as they stare at each other, Rei looking as impassive as ever and Shinji looking rather surprised. Finally, Rei asks, with just a hint of irritation:  
"Will you move?"  
  
Shinji eyes grow wide as he suddenly realises his current position, and more importantly, the current position of his left hand. He stares at his own hand, neatly grasping Rei's breast. Shinji then keeps staring, as his mind does what it does best and shuts down.  
  
Growing impatient and deciding that enough is enough, Rei opens her AT field. Shinji gasps in shock as his hand is suddenly submerged wrist-deep into Rei's chest.   
  
It is then promptly cut off. Shinji screams like a little girl.  
  
_That should teach the little pervert to keep his hands to himself_, Rei thinks sourly.  
  
_(With a friendly wink to "Scenes of Life")_   



	17. Outro

That's it for now. I'll add more scenes as they pop up. These things actually appeared in my head after I'd seen the entire series and both movies in a little less than 48 hours. As you can see from the result, this is not good for your mental health.   
  
And to my surprise there actually are female Eva fans out there. Well, go figure, someone has to write those Shinji/Kaworu fics.   
  
To answer Supercat, who asked why SEELE were talking about Euros, it's quite simple. Seele, Gehirn and Nerv are all German names, the name Keel would seem to be the bad romanization of a German name. Therefore, it is logical to assume that SEELE operates out of Germany. And Germany uses Euros.   
  
And to Darkness Lurking Behind You, shame on you! No Gendo-bashing! Bad boy! Gendo is the King. Along with Bruce Campbell. He is also the King. If they ever made a non-animated film of Evangelion, Bruce Campbell should play Gendo.   
  
- F 


End file.
